The Duties of Parents by J.C. Ryle. This was one of about 15 outstanding classic short books I received via mail from the Chapel Library, which offers all of its materials free of charge. This particular work has proven very timely as our 2-year-old son, Cameron, is in a season of exhibiting both humble obedience and foolish rebellion. Kerry and I are often finding ourselves in challenging situations that demand a quick response, but we often encounter situations that are difficult to discern, and in general had lacked a vision for what godly training of our children looks like.
For this reason, I have found "The Duties of Parents", written nearly 150 years ago by pastor J.C. Ryle, to be a timeless and exceedingly helpful resource, and would recommend it to any Christian parent as a clear framework for developing a vision for "training" your children. The booklet is relatively short and describes 17 areas of "training" for parents to prayerfully consider. The book is easy to read and my copy was only 35 pages long, so it can be read in one sitting. You can also read it for free here. Here's a few highlights from the book:
The foundational verse of the book is:
The 17 key principles/exhortations of Ryle directed toward parents are as follows:
Some brief comments:
-On #1: Followers of "Love and Logic" parenting strategies will conflict with this first point
-On #2: I find this point exceeding important and one of the most difficult. Ryle compares a child's mind to a lump of metal-- "not to be forged and made useful at once, but only by a succession of little blows." And, "their understandings are like narrow-necked vessels: we must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually, or much of it will be spilled and lost. 'Line upon line, and precept upon precept, here a little and there a little.'" He urges the parent to "try hard to keep up a hold on your child's affections", for "it is a dangerous thing to make your children afraid of you."
-On #3: A good point on the fact that we can't "convert" child. Ryle concedes this is absolutely true, but that God also expressly says,"Train up a child in the way he should go", and "He never laid a command on man which He would not give man grace to perform," and that "our duty is not to stand still and dispute, but to go forward and obey".
-On # 4: The idea of training your child for heaven, not for earth, has been impactful. This overlaps with other points, but gives meaning to witholding pleasures and comforts in this world.
-On #5: "Fill their minds with Scripture. Let the Word dwell in them richly. Give them the Bible, the whole Bible, even while they are young". I plan to give my son an ESV Study Bible as soon as he's able to read.
-On #6: This chapter could stand alone as an exhortation to pray:
On #9: On the importance of teaching your children that obedience is of the highest importance (this will clash greatly with our culture):
On #11: Ryle says, "Idleness is the devil's best friend. It is the surest way to give him an opportunity of doing us harm."
On #12: Scriptures sited are Prov 13:24, Prov 22:15, Prov 23:13-14, Prov 29:15,17.
On # 14: "Fathers and mothers, do not forget that children learn more by the eye than they do by the ear. No school will make such deep marks on characters as home."
For this reason, I have found "The Duties of Parents", written nearly 150 years ago by pastor J.C. Ryle, to be a timeless and exceedingly helpful resource, and would recommend it to any Christian parent as a clear framework for developing a vision for "training" your children. The booklet is relatively short and describes 17 areas of "training" for parents to prayerfully consider. The book is easy to read and my copy was only 35 pages long, so it can be read in one sitting. You can also read it for free here. Here's a few highlights from the book:
The foundational verse of the book is:
"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." -- Prov. 22:6Ryle begins with the argument that this text, though well known among most Christians, is not heeded. Thus the Lord's promise "when he is old, he will not depart from it", he argues, is not fulfilled. He asks the reader to ask himself, "Am I in this matter doing what I can?"
The 17 key principles/exhortations of Ryle directed toward parents are as follows:
- First, then, if you would train your children rightly, train them in the way they should go, and not in the way that they would.
- Train up your child with all tenderness, affection, and patience
- Train your children with an abiding persuasion on your mind that much depends upon you
- Train with this thought continually before your eyes-- that the soul of your child is the first thing to be considered.
- Train your child to a knowledge of the Bible
- Train them to a habit of prayer
- Train them to habits of diligence, and regularity about public means of grace
- Train them to a habit of faith
- Train them to a habit of obedience
- Train them to a habit of always speaking the truth
- Train them to a habit of always redeeming the time
- Train them with a constant fear of over-indulgence
- Train them remembering continually how God trains His children.
- Train them remembering continually the influence; of your example
- Train them remembering continually the power of sin.
- Train them remembering continually the promises of Scripture.
- Train them, lastly, with continual prayer for a blessing on all you do.
Some brief comments:
-On #1: Followers of "Love and Logic" parenting strategies will conflict with this first point
-On #2: I find this point exceeding important and one of the most difficult. Ryle compares a child's mind to a lump of metal-- "not to be forged and made useful at once, but only by a succession of little blows." And, "their understandings are like narrow-necked vessels: we must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually, or much of it will be spilled and lost. 'Line upon line, and precept upon precept, here a little and there a little.'" He urges the parent to "try hard to keep up a hold on your child's affections", for "it is a dangerous thing to make your children afraid of you."
-On #3: A good point on the fact that we can't "convert" child. Ryle concedes this is absolutely true, but that God also expressly says,"Train up a child in the way he should go", and "He never laid a command on man which He would not give man grace to perform," and that "our duty is not to stand still and dispute, but to go forward and obey".
-On # 4: The idea of training your child for heaven, not for earth, has been impactful. This overlaps with other points, but gives meaning to witholding pleasures and comforts in this world.
-On #5: "Fill their minds with Scripture. Let the Word dwell in them richly. Give them the Bible, the whole Bible, even while they are young". I plan to give my son an ESV Study Bible as soon as he's able to read.
-On #6: This chapter could stand alone as an exhortation to pray:
"Prayer is the simplest means that man can use in coming to God."On #8: Train your child to be content to obey without having full understanding of "why"
"Prayer is on great secret of spiritual prosperity. When there is much private communion with God, your soul will grow like the grass after rain; when there is little, all will be at a standstill, you will barely keep your soul alive. Show me a growing Christian, a going forward Christian, a strong Christian, a flourishing Christian, and sure am I, he is one that speaks often with his Lord. He asks much, and he has much."
"Prayer is the mightiest engine God has placed in our hands. It is the best weapon to use in every difficulty, and the surest remedy in every trouble. It is the key that unlocks the treasury of promises, and the hand that draws forth grace and help in time of need. It is the silver trumpet God commands us to sound in all our necessity, and it is the cry He has promised always to attend to, even as a loving mother to the voice of her child."
"This, remember, is the first step in religion which a child is able to take."
On #9: On the importance of teaching your children that obedience is of the highest importance (this will clash greatly with our culture):
"Parents, do you wish to see your children happy? Take care, then, that you train them to obey when they are spoken to, --to do as they are bid. Believe me, we are not made for entire independence, -- we are not fit for it".
On #11: Ryle says, "Idleness is the devil's best friend. It is the surest way to give him an opportunity of doing us harm."
On #12: Scriptures sited are Prov 13:24, Prov 22:15, Prov 23:13-14, Prov 29:15,17.
"Reader, if there be any point which deserves your attention, believe me, it is this one. It is one that will give you trouble, I know. But if you do not take trouble with your children when they are young, they will give you trouble when they are old. Choose which you prefer."On # 13: See Exod. 13:17, Num. 21:4, 2 Cor 12:8,9
On # 14: "Fathers and mothers, do not forget that children learn more by the eye than they do by the ear. No school will make such deep marks on characters as home."
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