8 Principals for Christian Parenting

These 8 principals are covered extensively in a series preached by Pastor Tim Conway of Grace Community Church in San Antonio, TX. Of all of the messages I've ever heard on the topic of parenting, these are by far the most powerful, biblical, and challenging.

Essential Principals of Christian Parenting

1. Christ-Likeness. Imitating Christ. It is not only the goal of every Christian, but it is the goal of us as parents to lead our children, to train our children, to discipline our children to be like Christ as well. This is based on the fact that every single characteristic of Christ that’s pressed upon you as a Christian somewhere, either in command or principal or example, the same things are somewhere in the Scriptures also required of your children.

2. Christ is to have preeminence in all things. Col. 1:18 “That Christ might have preeminence in everything.”

3. Just to be a Christian, Luke 14:33 says you must renounce everything. To be a Christian you must yield everything in your life to the authority of Christ, and that includes your children, your parenting philosophies, your ideas, your opinions—everything surrendered to the feet of Christ.

4. If you love son or daughter more than Christ, you are not worthy of Christ. Christ demands your chief affection, your chief love.

5. We are not our own. We have been bought with a price. And our children are not our own. Christ looks at everything and says “Mine.” He is the Master. He is the Lord. And we are the servants. And he taught us in Luke 17:10 to say “We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.”

6. As our Master, he has given us 3 very specific commandments in the NT with regards to parenting and children, and He has given only 3 commandments.

• Matt 19:14: “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them.” It is imperative.
• Colossians 3:21: “Fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
• Eph 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

7. Our Lord gives special emphasis to one of these commands: “Do not provoke your children.”

8. Our Lord emphasizes fathers. “Fathers, do not provoke…” The more satanic (and distant from Christ) a society is, the more the fathers are turned against their children.

Men: We are at War

Paul Washer:

This is War - Paul Washer from I'll Be Honest on Vimeo.

Here's some excerpts from the sermon:

You and I are called to be controlled by one single passion: the doing of the will of God, and for a crown that does not perish. We must strive to be in the center of God's will.

...Now, another thing that He has given us-- not just one great love, not just one great passion, but He's also given us a great commission.

Men, we were not made to live like most men. We were made to fight. We were made to strive. We were made to work. We were made to conquer. We were made to give ourselves for something that is eternal.

Adam was given a command to do what? To go out and subdue-- to bring everything in creation in harmony with the will of God, to do all his governing, all his things within the context of God's will.

Now we live in a fallen world that lives in darkness and death. The kingdom of the evil one spread abroad throughout the land. You and I were not called to play video games. We were not called to sit in front of a television set. We were not called to give ourselves to trifles. We were called to advance a Kingdom, to live with a passion, to fight for Him, and to only ever once and a while to drop our swords and look up for a smile.

I want to fight! I don't want comfort! I don't want ease in Zion! Because the Kingdom of God is built not by those who rest in Zion, but by those who go out into the streets and fight. And the weapons of our warfare are not carnal. They are mighty. Intercessory prayer, the proclamation of the Gospel, and sacrificial love.

Men-- rise up, oh men of God! Do what you were called to do! Be valiant and strong! And know that it's going to cost you. You take your stand next to Jesus Christ and his cause, and you watch the Devil come after you, buffeting you from the outside and from the inside. But that's what war is about.

And so He has given us a great commission... to pace a room at night saying, "There is a place, there is a place, where He is not worshiped, where He is not worshiped. There is a place where He is not worshiped. I cannot sleep, there is a place where He is not worshiped... There is a place where the flag of Zion does not fly." That's what we were made for. To set aside our little temporal causes and to give ourselves to this one great battle.

What is the most important trait in a man? Is it giftedness? Absolutely not! Some of the most gifted men in the world are self-destructive, and destroy others. What does your wife need, and what does your children need? What does the world need from you? Christ-likeness. This is what we are to strive for...

R.C. Sproul's Bible Reading Plan for Beginners:

Here.

Memorize Now

Justin Taylor introduces a pretty cool online memorization tool called Memorize Now.

Idolatry on Sunday mornings

Justin Taylor posts various links to an old Bob Kauflin series on Idolatry on Sunday Mornings.

A good quote from this series:

"Music is a powerful medium that can affect us positively or negatively. However, the root of the division is often (though not always) people insisting they know what kind of music God likes."

Book Review : God, Marriage, and Family

I know without a doubt that I’ll be referring back to God, Marriage and Family by Andreas J. Köstenberger for the next 40-plus years I expect to be alive, granted that I don’t die or Jesus returns. In this book Köstenberger gives a thorough analysis of what the Bible teaches on the institutions of Marriage and Family. Here’s a key statement from the book:

Both the Old and the New Testament present a coherent body of teachings pertaining to marriage and the family. From the Garden of Eden, to Israel, to Jesus, to the early church, to Paul, all uphold a very high standard in this crucial area of life. While countless times individuals fell and will fall short of God’s ideal, Scripture makes clear that the Creator’s standard for marriage and family remains intact—it was instituted at Creation, and is expected of humankind today. In this as well as in other areas, in the first century as today, Christianity towers above pagan cultures and displays the character of a holy God in the lives and relationships of his people. (275)

This book was honestly a challenge for me mentally, as the book was written at more of a pastor/scholar level. Also, I found that some of the topics were more interesting to me than others, requiring a bit of discipline, but that is my weakness and not the book's. Overall it was well worth working through this book to not only deepen my understanding of what the Bible teaches, but to also familiarize myself with it, knowing I'll be returning to it again and again as a helpful resource. Not only does Köstenberger spend a great deal of the book attempting to address everything the Bible says about marriage and family (Old Testament and New Testament), but he also thoroughly addresses many moral issues associated with family: divorce, abortion, birth-control methods, homosexuality, singleness, etc.

One thing that struck me as I read this book was the impact ignorance can play these areas of life. For instance, early in our marriage, when Kerry and I were trying to decide which “family-planning” method to use, we did not only lack in our understanding of how these methods actually worked, but we also lacked a biblical understanding of the sanctity of life and when life actually begins (inside or outside the womb). We thank God that our understanding deepened before we were married, and were thus able to avoid methods that were “abortive” in nature, but had we not sought out biblical wisdom and discernment in these issues and instead gone with our "natural" inclinations, we would have likely made a deeply regrettable decision. Köstenberger wrestles with issues like these in-depth and gives some helpful and practical guidelines for discernment.

The resources toward the end of the book are outstanding (171 of the book’s 448 pages are resources for further study!), and the overall format is easy to use as a reference. Not only do I plan to turn to this book much in the future, but I would highly recommend this book to anyone, especially elders, parents, or students of the Bible.

Classic Education

A very good article on self-education by reading, and how to read well.

Book Reading Progress Report

I knew it would be more difficult than it seemed to read and review one book every two weeks. So far, I've stayed somewhat on pace (reading A Praying Life and Family Driven Faith in January), though I've always got to weigh priorities carefully. Often the most important use of my time is not reading a book, but completing some other task or spending quality time with my wife and kids. There is honestly precious little time to devote to reading at home, and so many books I long to read. Right now I've started or am close to midway through the following books:

• God, Marriage, and Family by Andreas J. Kostenberger
• Seeing With New Eyes by David Powlison
• The Trellis and the Vine by Colin Marshall and Tony Payne
• How to Read a Book by Mortimer Adler

At this point, I think that in order to make some real headway I need to put all of the books but one on the shelf, and that one should probably be God, Marriage, and Family, since it's been next on the list for quite a while, and because it's a slower read due to its "theological density". It's been a very good book, but I don't want to be reading it for the next year!

So I'm going to try to make a little more headway tonight and hopefully have God, Marriage, and Family done by the end of the week.

A Higher Step : The Sympathy of Christ

The following is an excerpt from "The Love of Jesus, What it is, None but His Loved Ones Know", delivered by C.H. Spurgeon on June18th, 1862. I've been listening to some of these on my way to work (listen/download to it here), and every time I am in awe of the fact someone could ever speak with such power, eloquence, and wisdom.

"...But I want to take you higher than this; not higher in some senses, but higher really, for these raptures are, of course, only like angels' visits, few and far between; but here is something which may be more lasting, and which, certainly, is a higher state of mind as to the knowledge of Christ. To know Christ sympathetically, is a yet higher stage than any to which we have attained before. What do I mean by this? I will show you, first of all, what I do not mean. We will suppose ourselves standing on the brow of the hill with Jerusalem in the alley below. Jerusalem is to be destroyed by the Romans; the decree has none forth that its sin must be punished. Now, here is a brother who holds very high doctrines in his head, but who has not much sympathy in his heart. Come up here, brother. Do you see that city there? That is all to be destroyed! Do you see its streets? They are all to be crimsoned with blood! Do you see its temple? Not one stone of it is to be left upon another! What do you think of it? 'Well,'. says he, 'if they are to be saved they will be saved; if it is in the purpose and the decree it will be so. I am sure I am very sorry if they should not be, but I do not see that it is any particular business of mine; the Lord will have his own, and it will all be well.' Get down, sir! What do you know about the love of Christ? Nothing! Give such a man as you that text, 'He beheld the city and wept over it,' and you would not know how to preach from it, for you do not know the Savior's heart, and have not known his love. But bring hither another man; he holds the same doctrinal truths, but he looks down on the city, and what does he say?

'Oh, fain my pity would reclaim
And snatch the fire-brands from the flame.

'Lord, what must I do? Give me anything to do for them! My heart's desire and prayer for them is that they may be saved;' and the tears begin to flow, and when he turns to the book and reads that Jesus beheld the city and wept over it, and said, 'If thou at least in this thy day had known the things which belong unto thy peace,' he says, 'Well, I do not know how to explain that to my doctrinal friend; I do not know how to make these feelings quite square and tally with the doctrine; but somehow or other I know there is no disagreement, for I feel the one is true, and I also feel the sympathy in my heart; I know that God will have his own, but I hope he will have them through my instrumentality; I believe that his chosen will be brought in, but, O that it may be my happy lot to bring in some of them to the praise and the glory of his grace!' 'Why,' some professors say, 'I am not my brother's keeper.' No, but if you are not, I tell you what are- you are your brother's killer! You are one of the two. If you say you are not your brother's keeper, rest assured that you are a Cain, and that you will be your brother's murderer, for we either do good or hate. It is impossible for us to be devoid of influence. If the rill runs through the meads it makes them fertile; if you dam it up and make it stagnant, you have not destroyed its influence. Ah, no, you have only changed it into a fetid pool and its influence shall curse the valley with disease. So with a good man, if he serves his Master, he is scattering mercy abroad; but let him, if it were possible for him to do so, let him cease to serve the Lord and become idle, and then he scatters miasma, plague, and death. Oh, do we know the love of Christ by feeling it in our own hearts? There are some of us who can say that we have felt that we could do anything for souls. When we have heard it said of the Master, 'He saved others, himself he cannot save,' we have felt that we would not spare ourselves if God would only spare them; and when Paul said he could wish himself accursed from Christ for his brethren, while commentators have been spelling that over, and cannot make it out, we have had sympathy with it, and have been able to say, 'We have felt the same;' we have felt that we could even be lost to save others, and we have said, 'Let my name perish; let me be forgotten if my congregation may only be saved; if my children may be blessed; if my hearers may be converted to God.' Men in this state know Christ's love after a wonderful and marvellous sort. May God teach you each this way. May he help you to weep like Christ, to work like Christ, ay, and to be ready to die like Christ, if it were needful by such means to bring sinners to their Savior and their Lord. O that we could get here! I know my dear brother, the pastor of this Church, would desire nothing more for you than that you might know Christ's love by feeling it in your hearts. O that Christ would come and look out of these eyes, and weep down these cheeks! O that he would speak through these lips, till it should not be the old self, man, that thought, and spoke and acted, but the new-born Spirit of the Lord Jesus that had come into us and possessed us with a higher and a nobler life, that we might spend and be spent for him."

Book Review : Family Driven Faith

Nowadays, it is fairly well known that almost 90% of teens who profess Christianity leave the church by the end of their first year of college. There seems to be a great deal of uncertainty as to how our kids should be raised, and what the church's and the parents' roles are in all this. But the fact that 1 out of 10 kids who claim to be Christians actually continue in the faith after high school is a red flag that something is wrong with today's norms.

When I started reading Voddie Baucham's diagnosis and solution to this the problem, outlined in his book Family Driven Faith, I have to admit I was very skeptical. From the few times I have listened to his sermons , I knew Baucham was a gifted and passionate preacher, and was not afraid to be controversial, no matter how "unpopular" his view may be. I knew he was very well-grounded theologically, and I think I can say "Amen" to almost everything he says about the foundational doctrines, but when it comes to his views on what it looks like to "obey" the Word of God in all manners of life, such as how to raise kids, I sometimes find myself in uncharted and unknown territory. Particularly on the issue of raising kids, I've always felt the Bible was clear that we were to "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord," but I have agonized over the many views in Christian teaching on how this is applied. So, all that's to say that, in picking up this book, I was expecting to deal with some "uncomfortable" topics for me.

And as I read through the book, many parts did make me uncomfortable-- but in a good way. I didn't realize it, but before I read this book I had assumed a lot of things about how my kids would grow up, without questioning the biblical foundation of it all. I had never ever questioned the thought of my kids going to public school, nor had I considered having regular times of family worship and doing things that would shape my children's worldview. As Baucham states repeatedly, these are decisions worth wrestling with and testing.

Baucham seeks to challenge his readers (namely parents, especially fathers/husbands) to wrestle with what God would call them to do in light of what the Bible says about raising children, and to consider the Biblical standards related to managing the family (such as Eph. 6:1-4, 1 Timothy 3, Titus 1, and 1 Peter 5). One of his primary aims in Family Driven Faith is to inspire his readers to invest in their children with a view toward multigenerational faithfulness.

With this goal in mind, noting that it's impossible without the sovereign work of God (though I would say this is not emphasized enough), Baucham pleads with the reader to wrestle with societal norms for parenting, which tend to place faithfulness to Christ at the bottom of the priority list. I agreed with his descriptions of our culture, in that, upon closer examination, the American culture is predominantly anti-marriage and anti-child in nature. But what I really appreciated is that every area of weakness in typical child-rearing and youth ministry structures were countered with a great deal of biblically-supported ideas pointing to an alternative direction.

For example, I knew from the beginning that it would take a strong argument and a great deal of powerful persuasion to get me to even begin to think positively about homeschooling our own kids (the main reason being that we simply don't think we are capable of doing it well). My position didn't budge until I considered Baucham's words (directed toward cynics like myself) on page 123:

Before you run off screaming, "Another homeschool dad trying to convince us all to do what he does," let me assure you of a couple of things. First, I would never suggest that everyone should educate his or her children the same way we educate ours. Second, I don't want to make it that easy. I want you to think about what the Bible has to say on the subject and wrestle with the decision you have to make. That being said, let's look at some key biblical passages and their implications.

Proverbs 1:7 is foundational to our discussion. Solomon tells us, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge" (cf. Job 28:28; Psalm 111:10; Proverbs 9:10; 15:33; Ecclesiastes 12:13). In other words, our educational choice has to be based on the fact that God cannot and must not be ignored in the process. Any educational system that denies the existence, preeminence, and primacy of God is in violation of this biblical principle and is detracting from, rather than contributing to, the discipleship process.

He goes on make what is, in my opinion, a strong argument for how difficult it is to develop a Biblical worldview in your child in government schools, as opposed to educating at home, which makes sense in light of Romans 12:2, Col. 2:8, and 1 Timothy 6:20-21. He says, "Clearly, believers are to avoid unnecessary exposure to worldview influences that would contradict and/or undermine biblical truth. Again, any educational choice we make must take this biblical principal into account."

Baucham offers many other ideas that greatly challenged my conceptions of discipling our children. Among these is setting aside times for family worship, a concept which, as a result of Baucham's persuasive arguments and helpful instruction, I've already put into practice with my own family.

With all of the "hot-spots" Baucham touches on in Family Driven Faith, I would say that the most "radical" ideas of the book are in the final two chapters, where Baucham argues for a paradigm shift from the contemporary "age-segregated" church model to what is called a "Family-Integrated" church structure, the structure his own church uses (and apparently many others across the country). In this structure there is no nursery, no children's church, no youth-ministry, and no other program that is designed to target specific age groups. Rather, everything the church does, it does in the context of the family, regardless of age. I have to admit, this is hard to imagine, especially with two children who at times are out of control and rebellious. Before reading this book I would have never imagined sitting through a church service with them sitting next to me. But this is an incredibly thought-provoking section that has probably forever changed the way I look at our church structure, which tends to place the "discipleship" responsibility on the youth leader and not on the parents. The statistics demonstrate well the effectiveness of this approach.

I appreciate that Baucham does caution his readers who might be persuaded toward a Family-Integrated Church model to not try to overthrow their churches with these ideas. He points out that if they're a leader, they would likely meet a lot of opposition and possibly get fired (he knows people who have), and he encourages non-leaders like me to simply pray.

Overall, I'd say this is a book that I recommend to any Christian who's willing to wrestle with the role of the family in discipling our children. I may change my mind in one direction or the other on the positions for which Baucham argues, but I am deeply appreciative of Baucham's book and the challenges it rings out.

Book Review : A Praying Life

This has been a wonderful season for me in reading the Bible consistently and vigorously. The Gospel has spoken deep to my heart with new richness, and my intimidation with the Old Testament is slowly being replaced with interest and wonder. The thing that has haunted me, though, is reading passages like Matthew 7:21-23 and Matthew 25:31-46, where Christ is judging man according to what they have done, how they lived their life. In these passages, it seems that a key characteristic of those who have a real faith in Christ is that Christ says he knows them. There is a relationship there. I looked at my current relationship with God, and it honestly seemed disconnected from what Christ was talking about. I talk to God occasionally, but most of my time "dedicated" to Him is in the morning or on my drive to work, and is spent reading, learning and thinking about Him and very little prayer. I began to realize I didn't really know how to pray, nor was I sure if I really believed that prayer was anything more than "talking to air."

That's why, when Kevin DeYoung listed A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller as his #1 book of 2009, I immediately used my Christmas gift money to buy it on Amazon. Two weeks later, I would have to say this has been one of the most helpful and encouraging books I've ever read, in both prayer and parenting... more on that later.

One of the book's strengths is that Miller has written to a broad audience with broad struggles, brilliantly weaving and connecting his personal journey throughout the book. I'm sure that because he's conducted conferences about prayer for many years, he has heard the most common objections and struggles that lead people to a shallow prayer life. With great clarity, in A Praying Life, Miller acknowledges the negative extremes that people move toward and then humbly points the reader back toward the Good Shepherd. For the one who is influenced by mysticism he teaches the reader to watch the story God is weaving with hope, that you don't miss his beautiful work, and to seek God, not an experience. To the person who struggles with asking anything of an all-knowing, all-powerful God, he points to the child-like faith Christ talked about. He dedicates a significant portion of the book to "following Jesus out of cynicism."

I truly enjoyed this book, and I think the main reason for this is Miller's personal stories involving his daughter with severe autism, and all that God has showed him over the twenty-plus years of raising her and four other children. As I have found raising my own three-year-old son to be the most humbling responsibility I've ever taken on, I was heartened by Miller's teaching and enabled to see the role God is playing through these struggles.

Not only do I plan to read this book again and again, but this is a book I would recommend to any person who wants to pray better... in other words, it should be a must-read for every Christian.

Housekeeping...

Life goes on, but I've been devouring both scripture and some new books. I'm almost done with Paul Miller's A Praying Life, which has been an amazingly helpful book!

7 Rules of Negotiating

I'm in the process of filing all of these loose sheets of paper lying around, and I really didn't have a place for this scrap of paper with Dave Ramsey's 7 Rules of Negotiating scribbled on it. So, I figured it'd be better to file it away online. We don't officially endorse these rules-- some of these tactics may come across as rude and unloving, depending on the situation, and we don't want to do that! Nonetheless, these can also be helpful:

Dave Ramsey's 7 Rules of Negotiating:

1. Always tell the truth. One note on this, sited from Tom Stanley's "The Millionaire Next Door", was that the #1 characteristics of millionaires was that they had fanatical levels of integrity.
2. Use cash. We actually tried this when we bought our couches. Seemed to help.
3. Use walk-away power. In other words, do not emotionally attach yourself to the item. The salespeople have to feel they're "losing" you...
   
4. Shut up. Ask a question, gather information, and remember that silence is powerful. Good question to ask: "Is that price firm?"
5. Use the phrase: "That's not good enough." (This was made famous by Henry Kissinger)
6. Go to the authority. When you're not getting anywhere, say, "I'm sorry. I made a mistake-- I thought you were qualified to negotiate. (Something tells me Ramsey could say this more effectively than me. I'd probably get kicked out of the store...)
7. Use the "If I" technique. Example: "If I were to _____, I would need to ____." Have patience with this.

A couple of notes I jotted down were:

• You must know where to look for the deals
• Trade for something
• Deal with individuals

Do with that what you may, but now I can throw away my piece of paper, so I'm happy!

10 Questions for 2010

Inspired by Kevin DeYoung's post, I tried to think of 10 of my greatest weaknesses in which I would to grow over the course of the next year. So, if you see me, here are 10 specific questions to ask me throughout the year:

1. Is my prayer life growing?
2. Am I reading through the Bible and memorizing Scripture daily?
3. Have I done anything special for my wife to show that I "cherish" her?
4. Am I faithful to pray for my wife and kids daily?
5. Am I growing in love, patience and wisdom in my relationship with my kids?
6. Am I eating too much?
7. Am I reading books?
8. Am I being faithful in my job?
   
9. Am I consistently praying our church's elders, and for the groups/ministries I'm committed to?
   
10. Am I running away from suffering, or am I dependent and trusting in the Lord's provision?